What to do when you feel nervous about starting therapy
If you’re feeling nervous about starting therapy, I understand. It can be hard to start something new. Starting therapy is an exciting, vulnerable process, and it can bring up a lot of strong emotions such as hope, skepticism, fear, dread and relief. I’m going to address some common concerns people have when they start therapy.
Photo credit: Allison Jagoda
You might feel nervous about being vulnerable with a new person. What if they judge you? What if they don’t understand where you’re coming from or take your problems seriously? These are all real fears, and you can honor those feelings. Know that most therapists are committed to being accepting, non-judgmental, and supportive and have heard and seen problems across the spectrum. You will be hard pressed to shock your therapist. If you do encounter a therapist who is judgmental or dismissive, please explore other options. There are other professionals out there who care and can help.
You might feel worried about unpacking some painful things from your past, or digging into unproductive ways you’ve been coping. Your coping mechanisms have been your safety net, and it is hard to give any of those up! Therapy isn’t about dwelling on the past. Communicate to your therapist what is helpful to process about your past, and then together you can look forward to change your responses, coping mechanisms and behaviors. Your therapist can help you play to your strengths and will gently guide you to make positive changes bit by bit.
Are you worried to start therapy because you’ve told yourself that nothing will help?Maybe you’ve told yourself that you’ve had these problems so long, that nothing you’ve tried has made a difference, or that you don’t have time to try therapy if you’re not sure it will work. It can feel scary to face an unknown, and can feel more comfortable to deal with the struggle that feels familiar instead of taking the risk of trying something new (even if it might improve your life!)
I would urge you to ask yourself these questions:
• What are my fears about inviting change into my life?
• Is my fear of failure holding me back from trying?
• Did I have a previous bad experience in therapy? (Please talk to your therapist- we absolutely want to do our best to prevent that from happening again.)
• Am I worried my therapist will judge me or not like me? (We won’t- promise. You cannot shock your therapist.)
• Am I worried about what other people will think if I go to therapy? Is therapy only for “crazy people”?
• Am I telling myself I can handle this myself? Is that what my experience is telling me? What do my values tell me about helping others and accepting help from others?
• Am I worried I don’t have time to go to therapy? What amount of time are my unresolved struggles costing me currently?
You can honor your feelings of fear, but I encourage you not to let them determine the course of your life. Fear is an important survival mechanism, but often it misfires. Fear can let us know when we’re in a true danger situation (a lion is going to eat me), but sometimes our fight or flight response isn’t relevant to our modern world, and that’s when it holds us back. If you’ve determined that therapy is the next step you need, take some time to feel your feelings, but don’t let them stop you. As the wise Oprah Winfrey said “Courage is feeling the fear, and doing it anyway.”