Here’s How to Travel as a Family (and still like each other)

If you’re dreading your next family trip, you’re not alone. 41% of couples said that travel put added strain on their relationship in a survey by Shane and Co. That statistic increases significantly if you’re traveling with kids. But shared memories and experiences are an important predictor of relationship satisfaction and success. In my clinical experience, when stress is the primary experience during travel it’s usually due to several avoidable factors: missed expectations, poor communication before, during, and after the trip, and unrealistic expectations about mess ups and mishaps.

As an experienced traveler with three young kids and a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, I’m going to show you how you can approach your next trip and come home feeling satisfied and more connected. 

Photo of Park Güell from a recent family trip to Barcelona

Getting ready for a successful family trip

Before your trip, identify your expectations.

Take a moment to write them down and think about what kind of experience you’re expecting from this trip. Are there things that feel especially important to you? Are any of your expectations unrealistic? 

Then pick a good time to talk about your expectations together. (Pro tip: schedule this conversation for a time when you both feel at ease and have had some time to prepare. When the kids are fighting and you’re trying to make dinner is NOT the right time). Talk about your expectations and how you plan to support each other’s hopes and dreams for the trip. Collaborate on adjusting your expectations if necessary. Approach this conversation with curiosity and respect. Remember that you will both benefit from starting your trip on the same page, even if your original vision for the trip needs a little adjustment.

Set goals for your trip.

Does this trip have a primary goal? For example, if you’re going on a trip to visit family your goal might be to reconnect with extended family. Or if you’re going on a trip as a couple you might have a goal of making a core memory together. Setting a goal will help center your experience on what’s important to you instead of focusing on making every moment of your trip perfect.

If you’re traveling with kids let them know what they can expect.

Give them the cliff notes of your itinerary, and talk through the difficult transitions during your trip like going through security and getting on the plane. Let them know how you’ll be there to help them if they feel tired, worried or overwhelmed. Give them small choices throughout the trip so they feel empowered. They’ll be more receptive to following your instructions when it counts.

On your trip

Expect things to go wrong.

Ok, that sounds really pessimistic, but it’s true. Just like when you’re at home, you’ll find yourself in situations ranging from boring and benign to uncomfortable. Going into a trip expecting to encounter these situations can help you take them in stride instead of feeling like your trip is ruined. Remind yourself that you can handle discomfort and stress and that it is a normal part of life. You can encounter uncomfortable situations and still have a great trip-keeping your goal in mind helps with that mindset!

Take your time!

Keep your goal in mind as you take your focus off of doing it all. Everywhere we’ve gone as a family there seem to be countless once-in-a-lifetime adventures. It’s hard to accept that we won’t experience them all. We’ve found that trying to do it all takes away from our enjoyment of each experience. It puts a damper on our overall trip and leaves us feeling stressed, disconnected and unsatisfied. If you take your time when you travel, you’ll spend more time enjoying each other and have a more fulfilling adventure.

Traveling with kids? Go ahead and change the word vacation to adventure.

While traveling with children can be so much fun, it is far from relaxing. You’ll still be meeting all their day to day needs in an environment that is unfamiliar. You’ll also be creating core memories and experiences as a family and sharing incredible experiences with your children. Make minor adjustments when you can to make sure everyone has something they enjoy every day. It’s ok if not every activity meets everyone’s needs. We try to plan something we want to do and something our kids will enjoy doing (like checking out a new playground) every day. Sometimes those things overlap and sometimes they don’t.

REPAIR.

Remember you’re going into a stressful situation. You and your partner might feel tense and stressed at times, and it might come out towards each other. Give each other grace and assume best intentions from one another. Take the time to repair while you’re traveling. If something happens, check in with each other as soon as you can. Acknowledge and apologize for your part in what happened. You will be glad you did when you look back on your trip.

After your trip

Planning a day before and after your trip can help ease the transition to and from home.

There’s nothing like starting or ending your trip feeling stressed and resentful because you didn’t have enough time to pack/unpack and reset before you go back to your every day. Use the time before your trip intentionally to talk about your expectations and what you’re looking forward to, pack your bags, and finish up any chores together. Use the time after your trip to unpack and reset together. Leave some time to recap and look at pictures from the trip. 

Share your experiences with each other.

Plan a time within the next couple of weeks to share photos, talk about memories as a family and talk about what everyone’s favorite experiences. This is a great opportunity to solidify your memories of the trip and feel connected in your experiences (with a little space from the stress and discomfort of travel). If you were traveling with kids, it is so refreshing to get an enthusiastic response and hear what they enjoyed, since that isn’t always so apparent on the actual trip.

I hope these tips give you some confidence in your ability to travel and share experiences as a family. Whatever that looks like will be unique for you and that’s ok. For our family, travel has been a great way to connect and share memories. It’s something our whole family looks forward to and remembers fondly despite all the minor disasters we’ve encountered.